


Undeclared

by TurntSNACO



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, M/M, very sad oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:59:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3691473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurntSNACO/pseuds/TurntSNACO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Barry could think about was his cold empty bed, and how much better it'd be if Dan was laying besides him.</p><p>But he could only dream, Dan would never feel the same.</p><p>And that is life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fragile skin, broken bones.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small thing inspired by this song: http://www.yourepeat.com/watch/?v=qcSGX4tjxec

Barry knew Danny was straight. No matter how many jokes Arin and Danny made about banging each other, Dan was definitely 100% straight.

But that wouldn’t change anything. No matter how many times Barry drilled it into his brain, he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t.

He loved Dan. He didn’t just like him, he loved him unconditionally. Barry knew no matter how many fantasies he made up in his head, they would never become true. No matter how many stars he wished on or how many 11:11 wishes he made.

It was the simple things that got to him, when their knees brushed together when they were sitting on the couch, when Dan was laughing so hard he’d lay his head on Barry’s shoulder, and Barry’s breath would catch and he’d never want this moment to end. 

Even watching Dan do normal everyday tasks, like when he was making coffee made him smile. It seemed like every day it only got worse for Barry, Dan was always on his mind.

Barry was starting to lose sleep because of it. His bed was too cold, too empty, and all he could think about is Dan sleeping beside him. Everyday he was staying up later and later, getting up earlier and earlier. He always woke up. He couldn’t stay asleep. 

When he showed up to the grump office in the morning everyone gave him a look of concern. The dark circles under his eyes were only getting worse, and his face was paler than it should be. Which only made his dark circles stand out more. He looked like shit and he knew it. 

When he edits episodes he can’t help but tear up a little bit, hearing Dans voice made his heart ache, made him unable to breathe or think. Let alone edit an episode.

And maybe Barry was half way through the episode, and had to stop editing it right then. Maybe Barry sat in his chair and he cried quietly. But no one knew, no one knew.

No one could know.

After a while Barry was back to editing the episode, glad that at least he didn’t have to edit anymore episodes after this one. Barry was almost done when Arin came into the room.

“Hey man, we’re going out to get something to eat. You coming with?” 

Barry faked a small laugh. “Nah, I’m not that hungry right now.” Barry tried to sound sincere. He really was hungry, starving even. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. But he couldn’t go out to eat if Dan was gonna be there. He had to avoid him. He was messing up his life.

Arin sighed and pulled up a chair next to Barry.  
“What’s been with you lately? We’re all worried y’know.” Arin looked at Barry, his eyes were filled with concern.

“I know.. But everything’s fine. I’ve just been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately.” Barry bit the inside of his cheek. He hated to lie to Arin.

“Is this about Dan?” Arin asked. Barry held his breath.

“I just.. Noticed you’ve been avoiding him lately. Did something happen?” 

Barry looked everywhere but at Arin. “No. Nothings happened.” Barry said. And that wasn’t a lie, nothing had happened, and nothing will happen.

Arin sighed. “I’m not just gonna let this go.” Before Barry could protest, Arin left the room.

Later that day Barry was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Once again he couldn’t fall asleep. Barry suddenly heard the doorbell chime loudly. He pulled the covers over his head and groaned, Slowly getting out of bed. 

“I’m coming!” Barry yelled out, quickly pulling on a pair of pajama pants and a random shirt. 

Barry walked over and opened the door, and Dan was at his doorstep.

“Oh…” Barry said, letting out a sigh.

Danny shifted his weight awkwardly. 

“Hey. Arin said I needed to talk to you. Can I come in?” 

Barry was tempted to just shut the door in Dannys face, but he knew he couldn’t do that to him. Barry nodded and sat down on the couch. Danny followed, sitting on the couch as well.

“I noticed that you haven’t been sleeping much lately.. And that you’ve been avoiding me.” Dan said, fiddling with his fingers.

“I don’t know what I did wrong.. But I just want to say I’m sorry if I hurt you in some way.” Dan’s voice was low and sad.

Barry faked a smile. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been having some things going on. I didn’t mean to avoid you, I’ve kinda been avoiding everyone” Barry was only half lying. He was avoiding Dan, but he hadn’t been talking much to Arin, Ross, or Suzy lately.  
“I’ll be okay, I just have to figure some things out.” Barry lied. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be okay.

“Yeah. Alright. I hope everything works out. Um.. Should I just.. go?” Dan asked awkwardly. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna try to get some sleep.” Barry replied. He knew he could try all he wanted, but he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.” Dan said, giving Barry a quick hug. Barry grit his teeth and closed his eyes, wishing the hug would last longer than a few seconds. But it didn’t. 

Dan gave a small wave to Barry, and left his apartment.

Barry sat there in silence, his heart heavy. His throat felt too tight and his chest felt empty. He curled into a tight ball on the couch, making a weak attempt at holding back his tears. He gave up quickly, and he cried for a long time, wishing that it could be different. Wishing Dan would like him back. But the world is cruel, and things never go how they should. 

Eventually he fell asleep, with tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. But it didn’t matter, because he’d just wake up in an hour or two anyway. Starting the cycle all over again. 

Barrys heart would remain heavy, and his love would stay undeclared.


	2. Breathe in, Breathe out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WASN'T PLANNING ON WRITING THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Danny knew he wasn’t alright. In fact, he’s known this for a long time. How wouldn’t he notice? One of his closest friends has been suffering for months, even a stranger could see. 

He wasn’t sure as to why though. It was killing him inside, watching his friends health slowly deteriorate, every new day worse than the last. At first he assumed Barry was just having a few nights of restlessness. He didn’t think much of it, we all have our off days right?

But two weeks later Barry was still a wreck. And Danny wasn’t quite sure anymore that this was just a passing phase. He was starting to make editing mistakes too, forgetting to put in the intro or the outro, or forgetting to add a description or even a title to some videos. At one point he released a video onto the channel that was simply the intro and nothing else. When Arin questioned him on it he simply put his head in his hands and mumbled “I have no idea how that happened.” 

Arin simply tussled Barrys hair, telling him to be more careful. Dan wasn’t quite sure if Arin thought anything of Barry's dark circles and bloodshot eyes. He knew he could do something about it, but he felt like a helpless bystander. Coming to work every day, seeing Barry slumped on the couch. No matter how early Dan arrived to the Grump office Barry was already there. Laying down on the couch. 

Dan was to say the least, concerned. Some nights he found himself unable to sleep himself. How could he sleep when someone he cared about was laying in bed, unable to sleep for even a minute? One night, while Dan was unable to sleep, plagued with thoughts of Barry, he decided he had had enough. 

Arin had him confront him the week before but it did nothing. He wouldn’t tell him what was wrong, why was he letting himself suffer? Dan sighed and got out of bed, pulling on a shirt and a pair of pants. He walked out of the house, keys in hand. 

It was pitch black outside, Dan didn’t bother to take a look at the clock before he left but he thought it must’ve been about 5 am. 

Practically crawling into his car, he pulled out of the driveway and headed down the empty road. He had a hunch Barry was at the Grump office, lying on the couch like he always was whenever Dan arrived to work. 

He mentally scolded himself, wondering why he let it go on for so long. It’d been months since this strange behavior randomly popped up. Why did he wait so long? Dan shook his head. He felt like he was just an observer, watching through a one way mirror. Seeing his friend rip himself apart, unable to do a thing about it. But in reality he was in that room with Barry, and everyone else was watching Barry deteriorate from the inside out right in front of Dan.

Dan parked his car in front of the office, stepping out and staring at the sky for a long time. He was just now realizing that he was deteriorating as well, taking every step in a downwards spiral side by side with Barry. 

And that was when he realized that wasn’t normal. Friends don’t slowly die inside when they watch a friend die themselves. Friends don’t have moments where hands brush, and no one goes to move their hand away. No matter how much you care for a friend, it wasn’t possible to care this much. Dan swallowed hard, closed the car door and walked inside silently. Avoiding the realization of what he felt, what he had always felt but never dug out to the open. 

Lo and behold, there was Barry. Curled up on the couch. Dan knew he noticed him entering, yet he continued to stare into the darkness of the room. Dan looked at his feet, and was overcome with a wave of sadness. He took a shaky breath, gritting his teeth. Trying to hold the tears in his eyes. 

He walked forward, towards Barry. Who finally looked up at him. Then he realized he had made, and continued to make the biggest mistake of his life over the past few months. Barry was broken. He was absolutely torn to shreds inside and out. And he just watched. He watched the downfall of a friend, no, scratch that. The man he loved. 

And he did nothing. 

Dan stepped forward again, grabbing Barry’s shoulder. Pulling him up slowly. Barry stared at him as he did so, a long empty sad stare. Dan sat down next to him, finally letting his tears fall. 

And he hugged him.

He hugged him for a long time, the tears from Dan’s eyes wetting Barry’s t shirt. But Dan didn’t care, and Barry couldn’t of possibly cared. For a second, Barry weakly gripped the back of Dans shirt. His head buried into Dan's chest. He let in a long shaky breath, slowly letting it out. 

Before letting go of Dan.

And scooting away.

“Dan.. You can’t just..That’s not..” Barry croaked out. Dan reached out to touch his shoulder, and Barry jumped back. It was as if Dan’s touch has burned him, and maybe it did.

“No.. Don’t.. Don’t.” Barry tried to take a deep breath in, but found himself hyperventilating. Hot tears rushing down his cheeks. He tried to wipe them away, and stop crying. But he couldn’t. Dan reached his hand out again, but pulled it back. Dan had never felt so.. Helpless. 

He knew what was wrong. 

And maybe, just maybe, he always knew. Maybe he always knew that he was the problem. He was the reason Barry cried, he was the reason Barry couldn’t sleep, he was the reason why Barry was broken.

He put his head in his hands. Eyes wide and unblinking.

He had always loved Barry.

And Barry had always loved him.

“Barry.. Barry.. Look at me.. Please.. Just look at me.” Dan pleaded. 

Barry looked up, his eyes red. Tears pouring down his cheeks. Dan thought he must've not looked much better. He slowly reached out, putting his hand against Barry’s cheek. He flinched, but didn’t pull away. 

“I.. I am so sorry I did this to you. This is all my fault.” Dan closed his eyes, continuing his sentence. “And I know why it’s all my fault, because you love me. I get it now. But.. Barry.. I love you too. I’m just now realizing it, but I really.. Really do.” Dan whispered the last part, almost hoping Barry couldn’t hear him.

He did, though. Of course he did. Barry grabbed Dan's hand that was still resting on his cheek, and he stopped breathing. It felt like forever, that they sat there. Barry being unable to breathe, Dan's heart beating so fast. Barry licked his lips and looked away, Dan dropped his hand and watched Barry stare at the wall. He was broken, oh so broken. 

Months upon months of fear, avoiding Dan, wishing he could disappear, couldn’t just vanish in a rushed moment of returned feelings. 

Barry played with his hands, still trying to get his breathing back to normal. Dan opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to say.

“Barry.. It’s.. It’s alright. Just breathe alright? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Slowly though, slowly.” Dan whispered uncertainly, recalling the little bit he knew about panic attacks. 

After a minute or two Barry managed to calm down, he was breathing steadily but tears were still rolling down his cheeks. Dan slowly wrapped an arm around him, scooting a bit closer. 

Dan sat there with Barry for a long time, just staring at the wall. Soon Barry was wiping at his now dry cheeks, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Do you really mean it?” Barry asked in a whisper.  
Dan laughed. “Of course I do. I think I always did, I just never really realized it.” 

Dan kissed Barry’s cheek, rustling his hair. 

“You gonna be alright?” 

Before Barry got a chance to respond, the room lit up. Arin stood next to the light switch, a stunned look on his face.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Dan stood up and stretched, feigning a casual look.

“Nah, Barry just needed to talk to me.” 

Arin looked at Barry, still sitting on the couch with red eyes.

“Are you alright Barry?” Dan was sure Arins eyebrows couldn’t rise any higher on his head.

Dan looked at Barry, smiling at him. 

“ _Are_ you alright Barry?” Dan repeated Arins question.

Barry cleared his throat and stood up, quickly walking towards his desktop, sitting down in the chair. 

He took a deep breath, and grinned.

“Y’know what? I’m great actually. Fantastic even.” The grin was still plastered on Barry's face.

Arin ran a hand through his hair, shooting a knowing look at Dan. 

“Alright, well. Ready to record a few Game Grumps episodes Dan?” 

“Absolutely. Well, I need to get some coffee in me first, but then I’ll be ready to roll!” 

“I could go for some coffee myself. Lead the way, Dan Avidan!” Arin grinned goofily, walking out of the room side by side with Dan. 

Barry chuckled as soon as they left, turning to his desktop and beginning to edit an episode he never got to.

“I’m doing absolutely fantastic.” Barry mumbled to himself, grinning as he heard Danny's voice through the computer.


End file.
